Reflections on the Year

The kids wrapped up their first year homeschooled in our little red schoolhouse last Friday. So what are my thoughts and feelings at this point?

Part of me still wonders, "Did we do enough? Did the kids learn enough? Is there more I should have done? Is this the right decision?" I shake my head because the questions could go on and on. There is no way to 'know' at any point whether the current course of action is the 'right' one for future success. And what is future success anyways? Is it making lots of money, or is it being happy? Is it using your talents to the fullest, or is it having a job to help someone else make lots of money? Admittedly, this borders on philosophy, but I am discovering that if I focus on essential questions like this I am completely confident of our decision to homeschool the kids.

The benefits smack themselves in my face every time I think about it. The kids are happy, relaxed, engaged in their learning and have pushed themselves and become better learners and people this year. Is it all roses? No. Having two very smart kids and trying to guide them is challenging. They have brains, opinions and wills. There is a daily balance of being mom and being teacher, of pushing and of backing off. When I think of homeschooling, in one sense I think of tension because there is a constant give and take. I sit here wracking my brain, trying to put this into words, and words don't come.

One of the best gifts of this year has been getting to know my kids much better than I ever did before. Ironically, it took most of the year and reading lots of books about teaching and parenting to gain a greater understanding of them. I have a long ways to go.

The kids' lead teacher with Connections said that she sees our family as the 'epitome' of homeschooling and the kids are lucky to have me for a teacher. I laughed when I told the kids that, and we all agreed that calling me a teacher is so funny. I provide the materials and learning opportunity, but the kids are the ones who do the work and actually learn. It is hard to imagine that this messy, somewhat uncomfortable process could be held up as a standard!

You Don't See Anyone Anymore!

My husband and I were enjoying dinner at Land's End's local's night last night when an acquaintance I hadn't seen since June walked by and stopped to chat. Her daughter had moved on to the middle school and she exclaimed, "How are you doing? We're not up at McNeil so we don't see anyone anymore!" When I commented that I homeschool now then she said, "Oh, then you don't see anyone anymore either!" I thought that was an interesting comment. Since homeschooling the kids it's true, I don't see as many faces, walking by and saying hello or nodding my head. However, I feel like we see plenty of the people we want to see, so it doesn't feel like deprivation in any sense. This person seemed genuinely excited to see us, but once I mentioned that we were homeschooling I was startled at how quickly she got up and left. It seemed like it was a "bad" thing. Amazingly, we have not gotten a lot of negative reactions from people about our homeschooling. There is curiosity, there is reservation, there is complete lack of knowledge, but rarely are people outright against it. For those who know anything about homeschooling, they realize that every situation is different, and it can be an awesome thing, or it can be the worst thing to happen to a child. It depends, in large measure, on the parent and how valued the teaching/learning is.

The only other negative incident we had with anyone was when I took the kids to church one morning and a lady said, "I'm the school police! Why aren't you in school?" She was kind of joking, but it made the kids very self-conscious. I thought she knew we were homeschooling, but when I spoke to her a few days later I discovered she didn't know, so she was more serious than I'd realized.

Mostly, though, these things roll right off. I can see the benefits of homeschooling with my kids, and few others take the time to really learn about what homeschooling is like for us. I do want to protect my kids from negative comments, though, because I can see their self-consciousness about not being "in school".

And Next Year's Plan for Homeschooling???

For some reason I often wonder if I will homeschool the kids next year. Personally I am ambivalent about it. I could, but I don't have to. Ultimately I want what is best for the kids, but that is not always clear-cut ahead of time.

When I asked Denver a month or so ago to rate how much he liked homeschooling on a scale of 1-10 (10 being "heaven" is how I phrased it), he promptly replied, "8!" I also asked him a week ago, "If you had to choose right now between Bill (the teacher he would have at McNeil next year) or homeschooling, which would you choose?" He pondered that one awhile and finally responded, "Well, I don't have to decide now so I won't!" It did spur a lively discussion of the merits of Bill versus homeschooling. He'd been greatly anticipating having Bill as a teacher and that was one of his big disappointments of switching to homeschooling. His sister thoroughly enjoyed being in Bill's classroom for 2 years, and yet as we discussed it, it came out that the biggest issue with being in the classroom is that they have to go at a slow pace--the pace of the majority. Both my kids were bored in school, which disturbed me greatly since they both are highly intelligent and curious kids. Boredom in school can lead to all sorts of problems, and the focus gets shifted from education to social, behavioral or other issues.

This came out all too clearly when I asked Aurora how she liked homeschooling. She said she liked it 60% of the time, and 40% of the time not. Upon further discussion, it came out that the only thing she does not like about homeschooling is not being with her friends. So friends had already supplanted education in fifth grade as the reason for being there. Hm. It's not that she doesn't spend time with her friends now; nearly every weekend is a whirlwind of sleepovers and playdates with friends from school, and weekdays are filled with social activities too. Yet there is an allure to sitting in school all day, throwing looks at your best friend, giggling, playing on the playground and more.

I believe homeschooling fits my kids' educational needs better than a classroom right now, but I also recognize that pull to be "in school". I don't know when the moment will come that I will "know" that the kids should be homeschooled again next year, or let them go back to the brain-numbing hyper-socialness of school. There may not end up being a "moment." And from what I've read about other homeschooling families, this is typical. So I won't sweat it, but I am curious what we'll end up doing!